Sunday, December 26, 2010

The Sky Is The Limit

The other day me and my sweet friend along with Allalian went out for a bite to eat. We where talking about work and our jobs not being very secure. Allalian said I work for a major corporation, you could get a job in my corporation. She said you have to pass a test. I said what kind of test? Math mostly. I said most likely I cannot pass a math test. Allalian said well RQ if "you expect to fail a test you will."

Oh how I hate those words.

When I was younger, I was a victim of "learned helplessness" during my k-12 years. After you fail test after test year after year, you do expect to fail. I stopped trying. After I graduated from High School and could not read or write, I found out I had dyslexia. I did not understand my diagnosis.

That all changed for me while I was in college.

First of all they tested me for a learning disability. It was confirmed that I have visual AND audio processing disorders. After all these years of being beat down by myself and other people who would say "if you would just try harder, your lazy, study more, IF YOU EXPECT TO FAIL YOU WILL," I was validated. There is a reason I fail test, even if I studied hard and expected to pass.

In college they tought me how to work with my brain malfunction and build new neurons. They gave me tools to check in with my dyslexia. They showed me modern technology that helps people like me. Like talking spelling check and a screen reader. They showed me text to voice scanning programs.  Is my dyslexia better? no. Can I work with it now? yes.

Sidebar: my gig a low helped me pass tests. He was there for me when I would cry and want to give up because it was all just to hard. Building neurons is painful. When I would hit the wall, and my brain just would not work, my gig a low was standing by with a warm hug. How lucky am I to have a man who understands my disability and who does not use my being disabled against me. I know you all have read the story about how my gig a low has helped me over the years.(see my funny and charming blog)

Let me remind you Allalian, I got a 3.75 in college. That is mostly an "A" average. I know about taking test. At the college when I had to take a test they accommodated my severe learning disability by giving me extra time and a scribe when I needed it. They never gave me a modified test. Not only that I spent hours and hours, months and months, years and years with tutoring. Just ask Dahlia. God bless her, it was no easy chore to tutor me.

I do not expect to fail a test.

I recently took a math test and failed. Was I surprised that I failed? no. Why, because now I know how my visual processing disorder limits me.

Do you think there is a difference between expecting to fail and knowing limits? Do you know what your limits are? Are you going to tell me there are no limits? Is it wrong for me to know and except my limits? Is that the same as expecting to fail? Do you think if I tried harder my brain would change magically?

Most people who say things like you did, really don't understand how learning disability's work. 


ChaChaneen said...

It was such a JOY to share your graduation party with you too! We are and continue to be very proud of you my sweet friend!

KARNA said...

You re such an overcomer,KC...I am in awe of what you have accomplished!!!! This blog really tells it like it is ... hopefully one day people will have more understanding.