Today at Chemo

I took my dad in today for his second Chemo. Dad was really nervous. As you recall it was a horrid experience last time. Things went much smoother. They got the needle into the port without a problem. Nurse Nadine said she used a 1 inch needle. It seems Chemo gives dad the musnchies. He ate 2 gram crackers, a diabetic breakfast bar and some almonds. He also had water and a 1/2 can of diet 7 up. Oh by the way, today we find out they have a numbing ointment that you can put on your port to help stop the pain when they stick the needle in. To bad we didn't now that last week. One more treatment, then dad gets to have a week off.

It a strange sort of way going to Chemo has it's benefits. I know that might be stretching it a little. It seems it has its own little social club. We are getting to know people, they are getting to know us. Like the lady who dose not have a stomach any more. She is greek. I was hoping she was from the eastern middle east, so I could practice saying "excuse me, do you speak English?"

By the infusion room, in a open waiting room Kaiser has set up a gift shop. Today they had a robotic yellow chick that was about a foot high. (remember tickle me elmo) that sang "if your happy and you know it clap your hands." The next verse the chick said "stomp your feet." It jumped up and down. The greek lady with no stomach bought it. I was glad because If I had to hear that stupid song one more time I was going to knock chicken little into the pharmacy. The greek lady with no stomach seemed very happy with her purchase.

The male nurses aide is very kind. He asked us if he could get dad and I something to drink. I said only if it's a double. He smiled and said he was with me on that one. He dressing all in black. He is a big guy. I keep thinking how he remedied me of the grim reaper.

I made a promise to myself that I would have a little God talk every time I go with dad to Chemo. Don't tell Dad I said that! Today I talk about P. Terry's message about Huh? P. Terry said when he was young any time someone would say something to him, he would say Huh? Come to find out he had a pebble stuck in his ear. P. Terry says sometime when God tries to talk to us, all we say is Huh? So we need to make sure our ears are clear. Dad seems to like my God talk so far. This one made him smile.

A funny thing

A nurse in ICU was checking the my dad's blood glucose. I was quizzing her about it. She said "your dad's pancreas is compromised" I said COMPROMISED, he doesn't have one. She said she was not sure how much he knew and she did not want to say anything. I found that amusing. I think is was sweet she was trying to protect him in a way.

DAD OUT OF ICU

Here is a photo of my dad getting out of ICU! He is not only tough, but he is a ham. The nurses in ICU were great! I will write more later.

Dad's Phone Call

Last night my dad called me and said he is pretty sure he has cancer. SO he is going to go through with the surgery. He hopes they don't find any.

I feel so bad for my dad, but maybe denial is a good thing?

He also said he has asked for Clergy - because of me. Recently he has been saying things like that. On his advanced directive he marked "spiritual" because of me. He told me he thought that would make me happy. I told him Dad it is not about me or what I believe , its what you believe. My dad must believe there is some truth in Christianity otherwise he would not be saying things like that.

I wonder about what my dad really believes. So I ask myself -What is faith ? Hebrews 11:1

"Now faith is being sure of what we hoped for and certain of what we do not see." How much faith do we need? The size of a mustard seed. Yes, I think he has that much.

Cookbooks for Dad

My dad has been very stressed. The Dr. told my dad that he is going to remove his pancreas, gallbladder, part of his small intestine, part of his stomach and maybe his spleen. My dad was ok with that. But when the Dr. said to my dad your going to have diabetes, he got very upset. Why was he upset? Because he will have to test his blood 3 times a day-no, he will have to have insulin-shots and he will have to be around needles-no. The problem is the diet.

Our family loves to eat. Food is what we look forward to everyday. If we are happy we eat, if we are depressed we eat. Our family loves to eat food together, shareing a meal makes us feel complete. I know what all the experts say, that you only eat when your hungry. Do not make food the focal point of your life. For me, my dad and our family it is to late. We love to give food gifts and we love it when other people give us food gifts, we love to eat out, we love picnics, we love eating breakfast at dinner time. Some how the love of food is genetically programed into everyone in our family.

When I was about 6 years old, the Dr. found out I was allergic to milk. They told my mother I could never have milk again. Even at 6 I was very distraught. I could not imagine a life without milk. So I know what my dad is going through. He is thinking why should I live if I can't eat. My dad expessley likes to eat out

#1. Buffets

#2 Panda Express

#3 KFC.

I knew I had to do something quick. Yesterday I went to the book store. I found a book from the American Diabetic Association about how to eat at fast food restaurants with Diabetes. It had the carb and starch breakdown for all the fast food places including Panda Express and KFC. I knew then this book was actually from God. This was going to make my dad have a purpose to live. I also found two "Fix it and Forget it" cookbooks for my dad. "Fix it and Forget it Crock Pot for diabetics" and the other "Fix it and Forget it stove top for diabetics.". I knew my dad would love these books.

I was right. My dad loved the books. The first thing he looked up was the nutritional value for Panda Express, KFC and Taco Bell. Next he started looking at the recipes in the crock pot cookbook. He was impressed with all the soup recipes. (He loves soup) The recipes in the Fix it cookbooks are down home comfort food type. I could see he was getting the idea he will not have to just eat tofu.

I know that the surgery and the recovery is going to be rough on Dad, I know that his idea of food will change from being sick. But for now he has hope.

Dad's Surgery Date

My dad's surgery date is set for June 1.

What do you know about death?

Last night my aunt called me and said "you can't live without your pancreas, your dad is going to die." I explained what the Dr. said. Some people CAN live without a pancreas. They have be to on insulin injections and take oral enzymes. She repeated "you cannot live without your pancreas."I went to work this morning my boss said "your dad is going to die you know." What are people thinking when they say this kind of stuff? Do they think I am a complete idiot? Here is some things I want to tell them.

1. I worked for a hospital and hospice for 15 years. I've seen many people who I did not know very well die.

2. I watched my mother die.

3. My grandmother was living in my house when she died.

4. I said good bye and took care my stepmother before the coroner came to get her.

We never know when we are going to die. I could die before my dad. The place and time we die is up to God in my opinion. I don't know what my boss and my aunt are trying to prove or tell me. Maybe my aunt is trying to work out her own feelings??? As far as my boss, it is hard to tell what he is thinking.

I also want to say to everyone, I have a chance to spend as much time as possible with my dad NOW, while he is still here. I want to tell him I love him and that he has been a good dad. I want him to know how much I appreciate all the things he has done for me over my life time. So far, I think I have done a pretty good job of letting him know.

What the Surgeon said

The surgeon said they are going to remove dad's

1. pancreas
2. gall bladder
3. part of his small intestine

and maybe his spleen. This surgery is called a Whipple. In my dad's case it is called "Whipple -Plus" because of the possibility of the removal of the spleen.. They are going to bypass one duct to another. Usually in a Whipple they do 3 duct bypasses. In my dad's case they will only do two. The total removal of his pancreas will cause my dad to become and instant diabetic. He will have to stay in ICU for 3 days until they can get him stable. He will be the hospital (provided he makes it though the surgery) for 7 - 10 days.

He said this was also going to be exploratory surgery. The surgeon said if he has stage 4 cancer (in the liver) they are going to just sew him back up again because there is nothing they can do.

The surgery will be in 2 - 3 weeks. My dad was not upset about them taking most of his major organs, he was very upset about becoming a diabetic.

It is so hard to watch my dad cry. I told dad that he had been there for me all my life, I will be there for him.

They say that he should go to a convalescent hospital for 2 weeks. When he gets out of the hospital. I am not so sure about that. My dearest friend says it might be a good idea. She says convalescent hospitals are not like they used to be. I said I can take care of him. I don't know. I guess we will have to wait and see.

Endoscopic retrograde cholangiopancreatography (ERCP)

My dad symptoms started when he would feel full even after he ate a little tiny bit. In my family we all know there is something wrong if we fill full after eating a very small meal. He also was a little nauseous. He had a hard time doing his usual walking. Did he tell any of the family NO. It became apparent that dad was not feeling well. There was something wrong. My dad thought he had the flu. He started to become itchy. The bad / good thing about pancreatic cancer is you don't know you have it because you don't have much pain with it.

Last week the Dr. M did blood work. She said the "indicators" were high so she order a CT scan. The scan found the mass in his pancreas. The tumor is about the size of a ping pong ball. It is pressing on the bile duct leading his liver. This is making my dad itch. He started to turn yellow with jaundice. This was quite a shock to everyone. The Dr. told us it was going to be a "rough road." Dr. M said she would set up a meeting with Dr. D to do a "ERCP". We met with Dr. D and he told us he was going to put a stint in the duct to relive the itching and some of the jaundice. He was also going to take photos and get biopsy's. The procedure is called Endoscopic retrograde cholangiopancreatography.

Yesterday my Dad had an (ERCP) He did very well. When we got home there was a message on the answering machine. It was an appointment with the surgeon. That will be Tuesday. He will discuss the surgery and set a date. Apparently this surgery is going to be a hard one.

My big brother spent the night with my dad. The rest of us went home and to bed.

I will write some of my thoughts about Kaiser later.