Sunday, February 7, 2010

Sticks and Stones

Disclaimer: None of these statements came from my gig a low. Statement A, B and C are all different people.

Here are some excuses I hear for putting up with verbal abuse.

A. Someone once said to me after witnessing (hearing) me being verbally attacked. With raised eyebrows -You know RQ they have had a long term illness, they are miserable themselves, that is why they give you a verbal lashing. Therefore, it is ok because they are sick. My question to you is should you put up with it because they are miserable and you get the brunt of their misery? (No my dad did not say that) I am not talking about dementia either.

B. What if someone has had a really hard life. Their mother was a hooker and was married 8 times. My "friend" was molested because of his mother's lifestyle. The person grew up and got married. His wife left him for his best friend. The guy was left with 4 children. One of the children died of a strange virus a few years ago. Another child has been diagnosed with schizophrenia. Is it ok for them to call you an complete idiot because they have had a hard life?

C. What if someone has been drinking or taking drugs or both. Is it ok for them to scream at you? To tell you, you are worthless as a human? That they hate you. Because really, it is the drugs and booze talking.

My mother used to tell me if someone calls you a name tell them- sticks and stones will break your bones, but names will never hurt me.

Names do hurt me.

So when is verbal abuse ok? Or should I say, when should you put up with someone vomiting hateful words all over you? Should you take it personally? Should you end the relationship? Should you shrug it off because of A, B or C ?


Mountain Momma said...

Your answer is in your question: "Is verbal ABUSE ok?" No. Abuse is abuse. A rotten life, a bad day, not feeling good..all those things bring out a bad mood, but then again, those are "excuses" used for physical abuse too.
Tourettes or brain damage or dementia are "reasons", not excuses.
There is no excuse for abuse.
The real question is how much abuse is one willing to put up with...and why do THEY think they should?

ChaChaneen said...

RQ... I think you already KNOW the answer to this.

KARNA said...

funny how those verbal abusers know how to behave at work, at church, with friends, but lay into the wife and kids....been there done that for 35 years and finally decided gee I guess I'll get divorced rather than live this way another day....It's been a peaceful 10 years now. Life is sweet when it's quiet!!! Life is sweet when you are affirmed and loved.

KARNA said...

I'm not recommending divorce by the way!!!! Sometimes I think prozac would have been the answer, but I'll never know..perhaps wife #4 has figured it out ROFL....

R. Quilter said...

I want to thank everyone for your comments, emails and phone calls. I am very blessed.
The good news is this story is not about my gig a low.