Friday, January 15, 2010

A friend at work

I have this friend at work, I will call her Yolanda. Yolanda is at retirement age. As a single mother she worked hard, has raised her kids and they have done well for themselves. She has grandkids now.

Last year sometime Yolanda's brother moved in with her. Yolanda's brother is an alcoholic. If he is not drinking, he is screaming at Yolanda to go buy him alcohol. He blames her for everything that is wrong with him. So Yolanda runs to the store and buys him the booze just to shut him up. He runs her ragged. He has been so drunk he has fallen down, and cut his head or broken his arm. He has threaten to kill himself. Yolanda sometimes has to call her neighbors to help her get him up out of the driveway or hallway or where ever he his at. Last night Yolanda's brother drank himself unconscious. She could not wake him up. She did not want to call the paramedics because he has a record and a warrant and she was afraid he is going to get arrested.

I try to tell Yolanda that she is doing her brother a great injustice by not calling the cops or paramedics. His alcoholism is way out of control. Way more then she is capable to handle. He is drinking himself to death. She is going to kill herself in the process of helping him. I keep trying to get though to her that you cannot help someone so much that you hurt yourself. That is called co-dependent.

Yolanda feels sorry for her brother because he had a rough life. Their dad used to beat them and all kinds of crazy things. I told Yolanda, look your dad did all that to you too. You still did ok in life. That is no excuse. The anger and guilt is just a way to manipulate you.

One of the hardest things We ever had to do was call the cops on a loved one in my family. My loved one was so messed up on drugs, we were afraid that our loved one was a danger to slef and others. We called the cops, they 5150 the loved one. I felt like someone was ripping me to shreds when they took our loved one away. We knew we had to do it. It was the best thing for our loved one. We could not help our loved one anymore.

Yolanda if you are reading this, please do the right thing and get your brother help. You cannot do it anymore. If you can't do it on your own call your kids and tell them. They are good kids and will help you get help for your brother. YOU also need to get help. Can you see Yolanda, you are as sick as your brother. (I know that by the things listed above). I hope you are not mad at me for saying that. But I am worried about you. I do not want you to suffer at the hands of your brother anymore. I know it's hard. You do not deserve to be punished like this. I know I will not see you until tuesday. But you can call me anytime.

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